Sherdie

Last night I had champagne.

Today I have real pain.

Geddit?

Some lovely friends suggested celebratory cocktails and dinner in the Valley, ahead of the wedding next weekend, because why pass up a chance to have cocktails and dinner? So after some swish martinis (of the proper variety and of the espresso variety) at the Bowery, we ordered and devoured most of the menu at Wagaya. A lovely surprise was piccolo bottles of champagne covered with the stickers we’re using for our homebrewed ginger beer and apple cider at the wedding. We drank them through gorgeous paper straws. I drank two. Maybe three. Feels like three, today.

A fabulous, delicious and classy evening with some delightful company.

Only downside being the dirty hangover today. Totally worth it.

In the first week after I finished work, I did all these things. Lots of things. Made a giant list and ticked it off.

Talking to my friend B about it (who had a similar 6 weeks between gigs at the start of last year), she said, “Just you wait a couple of weeks. Soon it will be amazing if you even get off the couch.”

And it turns out she was right. I’ve been busy with things, mostly related to the giant party that’s happening in a week. And looking for a new job, and sorting through random boxes of stuff, blah blah blah. But it’s still a bit tricky to actually account for where the day goes.

Anyway, today is a perfect day to be inside – it’s rainy and grey and drizzling and cold and generally winter. Time for a cuppa.

Hey, by the way, I’m on instagram. More correctly, I’m addicted to instagram. Find me, I’m sherdie, or here’s a tumblr I set up, or here’s the heroku feed.

And while we’re at it, I’m on Pinterest as well (less addicted to that, now, but it was pretty fierce for a while there).

I bounced through to the Should I Quit test (via Get Rich Slowly), and you know how I’m a sucker for online tests, right? So I did it, despite [SPOLIER ALERT] oh yeah, already quit that dream job and am now languishing in my lounge room.

But a bit of validation is nice from time to time. My result was:

You are not coming close to doing the work you are meant to do, nor are you making the difference you want to or are capable of making. A massive change is necessary. There are some things you can improve in your current situation, but it’s time to give serious thought to what’s next. The longer you stay in your current situation, the worse you are going to feel (and the harder it will be to leave). No one is benefiting from your work situation – not you, your employer, or the people around you.

The internet. Telling you what you want to hear since 1996.

Time for a cuppa and some Seachange, I should think.

1. Door to door charity collectors. They are bad enough on street corners. Did you know they also come to your door? I donate regularly to two charities, chosen because I support their vision and way of operation. One of the things they both do is NOT GUILT TRIP ME ON STREET CORNERS. Now I add to that NOT GUILT TRIP ME AT MY FRONT DOOR.

2. Posties and parcel delivery peeps. Confession time. I love online shopping. I can click around, compare prices and varieties, buy stuff, and have it turn up, all without actually having to interact with actual people. So a steady stream of stuff used to turn up at my work reception – nothing suss, promise, but books, pharmacy stuff, etsy goodies, household things, presents for people, yogurt and cheesemaking bits and pieces… I love it when the postie turns up and gives me presents. Yes, presents I bought, but still presents! So when I open the door and it turns out to be a door to door charity collector instead, it’s all the more annoying.

3. Sunshine. Apparently a third of Aussies have a vitamin D deficiency. Seems madness, but there it is. But, thinking of my normal routine – a bit of sun on the way to the bus, in an office all day til darkness, sunscreen in my daily moisturiser, office clothes meaning covered legs and often covered arms – maybe it’s not so mad. So I’ve been drinking my morning cup of tea on the veranda, in the early morning sun, for 15 minutes. It feels glorious.

4. Cups of tea. I thought my tea consumption would decline once I wasn’t working in an office. Coffee has dropped right off, but my (giant 500ml) tea cup gets filled up at least 3 times a day. As well as my sunshine veranda cuppa, it’s just so nice to sip tea in the mornings – especially as Brisbane heads into its gentle version of winter. I’m making a concerted effort to switch the third and following cups to herbal tea from… tomorrow.

5. Time. I assumed that it was the 10-12 hours a day of working and commuting that was eating up all my time. Foolish, foolish child. Turns out that it’s something about me. Once I’ve had my sunshine morning cuppa, done some yoga, had breakfast and caught up on my RSS feeds, it’s time for the Japanese news on SBS, and then there’s always something that needs doing either around the house or out, and then there’s emails and online shopping and talking to door-to-door charity collectors, and making elaborate dinners (“I might make lasagne. Right, first to make the pasta. Now to make the ricotta…”) and so on. Then all of a sudden it’s dark and the Architect is home and he says, “What did you get up to all day today?” And I look him blankly and I say, “Um, …stuff?”

Well that was a bit remiss of me, to go all angst-blurt on the blog and then leave it sitting there, front page, like so much dirty laundry, for weeks, wasn’t it?

In the interim, there was Easter, and a long weekend up at the parentals lifting heavy steel things into place (well, I was holding ladders more than lifting, but you get the general idea). Busy life stuff planning that party and things like that. And some clear sorting out of things. To wit: six more days of work before I begin what I’m euphemistically calling “self-funded long service leave”.

In the very near future? Glorious sunny mornings doing yoga in the loungeroom. Reading a giant pile of books. Cups of tea on the verandah. Sourdough. Walking and the occasional jog. Writing (maybe even here). Naps on the long green couch. Making kimchi. Some job hunting. Non-peak hour public transport. Coffees with people. Window shopping. Old tv (Seachange!). Knitting. A big party. A trip to Japan.

After that, some reality, for sure. But it’s going to be one hell of an excellent interlude.

There was a sign on the bus this morning telling us all that drivers were equipped with DNA kits to “assist with the apprehension of people who spit”.

I wondered if the double meaning was intentional. We want to catch you, but we want you to be more scared about being caught, too.

A day of double meanings, really. Like resign. I am resigned. I have resigned. In any situation that you don’t like you have three choices. One. Accept it. Two. Try to change it. Three. Leave.

One and two in combination over the past 9 months have led to a digestive disorder and recurring nightmares. And many self indulgent whiny blog posts.

But that’s it. We move to three. Liberation and surrender and guilt and a fuck of a lot of shoulds, and wine and PJ Harvey and some tears for what could’ve been. And ultimately just a person leaving a job, a thing that happens every minute of every day.

Another one will come along. All will be well. As a very wise and lovely person once said, it is just a job and they are just people. And suck it up or go home. These things are true as true can be.

So just for tonight I’ll wallow.